How I found peace after I left my past behind

When I was about 22 years old, I heard the voice of God telling me to leave my relationship of eight years. 

I met him when I was fifteen and we were totally in love. It was a compendium of several  years of sincere friendship which I totally appreciate till this day. 

We even planned to spend the rest our lives together. 

The year 2018 was cold and slow. It was the year I decided to move further in my relationship with the lord. I can’t say it was the best year of my life, but I’ll say it defined the person I am now. 

It was that year I heard a voice continually telling me to leave the person I was with then. He was cool, kind, soft spoken and everything I ever wanted in a man. He loved me without any restriction and I was never going to leave him no matter the taunting I felt within my heart. 

One morning he called me with his usual flavor, we discussed from the east to the west and to the north. We spoke about yesterday, he spoke about things I do not remember. As the discussion reached the place were birds rest, he said, “Minka I saw a dream and in the dream I married someone else”. 

That was just what I needed to hear to cause and eruption but he calmed me down gently when he said “it is just a dream”. The day broke when he said that and the night shifted into dark America. Never did the calm last, never did my heart stop aching because I knew he wasn’t going to be mine forever. 

I struggled day to day and month to month, hoping that the voice within me would become tender but it never did. One very harsh evening, I went to church and heard the pastor preach about obeying Christ wholeheartedly. Just like a mother knows her child, I knew that I needed to leave. I came back and sent him a text that I was going to be leaving him and bided him goodbye. 

Immediately I did that, I felt a kind of peace within me, yet the peace didn’t last because I began to feel the pain of lose, a goodbye I wasn’t ready for, a part of me felt like I was drowning and drowning I did. I felt broken and completely shattered until the day I heard he was getting married. I knew he wasn’t the one but the pain of lose did not allow me breathe. 

Years have passed and I’m okay. I had to let go to be found by the one who was truly mine. I found peace in the realization that I was loved by God, I found peace when I asked for it. 

In life there are somethings you cannot understand but you can always depend on the one who understands everything.